Friday, October 20, 2017

Good morning crew,

Somehow, the wife got talked into going to a psychic reading tomorrow night. But she won't be the only sucker there. She is going with a group. From what I understand it is a whole 'thing'. An event. Kind of like a Tupperware party, except with necromancy instead of plastic food storage containers.

Ah, well, who says witchcraft can't be fun? Especially when you add a few bottles of wine into the mix.

Apparently the wife does not believe in self determination. She thinks the stars, or maybe Tarot cards can predict her future.

Well, I've got a prediction. I predict the wife is going to come home Saturday night to find me about 10 beers in.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers


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A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.

"No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral.

"You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."

"I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied.

By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"

"I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"