Monday, June 27, 2011

Good morning crew,

Welcome to a whole new work week. Oh, the possibilities! Who knows? This could be your week. You could meet the person of your dreams, or win the lottery! Or maybe a rich family member will die and leave you a big chunk of money!

Not that I'm wishing any ill-will on your family. I mean, I hope everyone in your life is doing splendidly. Unless, of course, it was some distant, mean, old miser that you really didn't know and who nobody liked anyway. If that person were, say, not doing so well it would be more convenient for you if he or she had a good bit put aside and was going to leave some of it to you.

Not to say that you wouldn't feel any grief. Because that would make YOU a mean, old miser and I know THAT isn't true! But getting a nice little check in the mail is better than nothing at all.

Of course, money isn't everything.

You know what? I think I'll just wrap this up here and get on with the jokes before I write something really stupid.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"I was in McDonald's and I saw this kid take his Happy Meal toy and throw it on the ground. His mom said, 'Hey, you play with that. There are children in China who are manufacturing those!'" --Laura Silverman

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"I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married? But I wouldn't want to put down marriage as a whole - which it is." --Kevin Hench

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"They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their commercials. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your hair look luscious!'" --Vernon Chapman

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The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

"This is my mother."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"Don't worry, I can stay out as late as I want to tonight," Joe told his friend Bob. "My wife's gone for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean."

"Jamaica?" Bob asked.

"No, it was her idea."