Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Good morning crew,

I'm back from Fla. and it's nice to be back in the old saddle here at the office. Who am I kidding? If I could figure out a way to retire tomorrow I'd be back there the day after.

It was a lot of fun. Especially this time of year. It's hot enough to be mostly naked most of the time, but the humidity is low enough to make being outside enjoyable.

Since I was there for such a short duration I didn't have time to do much more than play on the beach and do a lot of eating and drinking, but the one adventure I did have time for was SCUBA diving.

This was mostly the girlfriend's idea. While I'm not completely opposed to putting my life at risk for a cheap thrill, the idea of my ear drums exploding just because of a stupid mistake seems a bit more extreme than my usual hijinks.

But once I mentioned that my nephew Eric who lives down there is a recreational diver, she would not be deterred. So I got us a hook up.

I admit, I was pretty excited at the prospect. I haven't done anything really stupid in quite a while and felt like I was due.

However, my excitement was short-lived once we got to the dive shop and met Eric's friend Nick who was going to be our guide for the expedition.

He was putting our rental equipment together piecemeal from a big pile. A flipper here, a snorkel there, something that looked like a weird sexual fetish device which he called a Buoyancy Compensator, all the while giving us bizarre and cryptic safety instructions like, "Have you ever opened a can of Coke? That's what'll happen if you come up to the surface too fast."

"What? I'll get gas and start to burp?"

"No. You're blood will boil and you'll die of an embolism."

"What! How the hell is that like opening a can of pop?"

But what really made me nervous was when I examined the large metal canister he gave me and asked, "Isn't this a propane tank?"

"Sorry," he said, rolling it back into a corner. "Wrong tank."

But, as you can tell, I did survive. I will give you more details on the dive next time.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!

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"A new study found out that having money and good looks does not make you happy. On the other hand, being broke and ugly is not day at the beach either." -Jay Leno

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"The apocalypse is supposed to happen this weekend. I checked the weather and there's only a 10 percent chance of apocalypse." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"In one iPad game for cats, animated fish appear on the screen until your cat bats them away. The game is called, 'How to scratch up the screen of your $600 iPad.'" -Jimmy Fallon


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A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor.

I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!"


*----------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ------------------*
I was driving around and around a packed parking garage in search of an available space. Nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me.

"Going out?" I called to them hopefully.

"No," said the man. "Just friends."