Friday, March 6, 2015

Good morning crew,

I made a fun discovery the other day; the suburb I moved into last year has their own, little St. Patrick's Day Parade which is happening this weekend.

Back in the day I attended many of Chicago's South Side Irish St. Patrick's Day Parades which went down Western Avenue from 103rd to 115th street, but they canceled the event years ago because of the tens of thousands of drunks who would populate the bars along the parade route from 10 a.m. until the wee hours of the afternoon and turn Western Avenue into a river of urine and green vomit.

Ah, the good old days.

Recently, the city of Chicago has started to allow the parade again, but they have adopted a strict zero-tolerance policy for alcohol. So unless you're a little kid, or you have a particular fascination for high school marching bands, fire trucks and men in skirts playing bagpipes, a lot of the fun has gone out of it.

I am sure my little town is a lot more tame than the south side of Chicago ever was, but at least I will be able to step off the parade route and invest in a corned beef sandwich and a foamy, green beer at one of our many pubs and restaurants without worrying about inviting a thousand dollar fine (like I might get in Chicago).

And, if I am going to be perfectly honest, I do sort of enjoy bagpipes.

I'll fill you in on any adventures next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Today is National Grammar Day. But come on, who cares? Sorry, I mean, WHOM cares?" -Seth Meyers

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"Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. Pediatricians say giving caffeine to toddlers can cause depression, diabetes, sleep disturbance, and obesity. On the plus side they get a lot more finger painting done." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"MAC Cosmetics is launching a line of makeup that's inspired by the new live-action 'Cinderella' movie. Because what girl doesn't want makeup inspired by a story where the woman turns into an ugly loser at midnight? " -Jimmy Fallon

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Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, my sister's pregnant."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A couple is in their bedroom. The man says, "Tonight I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

She responds, "I'll miss you."