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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Good morning crew,

I have discovered a persistent difficulty with teaching little kids taekwondo. The height difference. This is particularly evident during sparring training.

Frequently the little kids will spar each other, but occasionally they must spar with the black belts for the sake of instruction, and that's when, I guess you could say, 'miscalculations' happen.

The last time I was in sparring class I was working with an eight or nine-year-old and being as careful and as gentle as I possibly could. But it is just hard for me to kick that low! While trying to demonstrate the tactical advantage of reverse kicks I accidentally...and let me stress accidentally...kicked him right in the throat.

The poor little guy dropped like a sack of potatoes.

Fortunately, like I mentioned, I was being as gentle as possible, so after a minute or two of crying he was back up and at it.

But the disadvantage goes both ways. Ten minutes later, while sparring another little kid, I took a roundhouse kick right to the [CENSORED]. And he had no reservations about kicking as hard as he could.

The little [REDACTED] even had the nerve to laugh at me.

You know, oddly enough, that's sort of how I met my wife.

Laugh it up,


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"A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini. Or as parents put it, 'Finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"Vin Diesel is with us tonight. Vin is not his real name. His real name is Vehicle Identification Number." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A Vatican cardinal said Jesus was the original tweeter. I don't know how popular he was. He only had 12 followers." -Conan O'Brien


While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: "So, what's the answer?"

The guide replied: "One."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"

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