Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Good morning crew,

Thunderstorms were forecast for every single day last weekend so I didn't make any big plans for myself, and guess what? It was mild and sunny all weekend.

I don't even know why I watch the weather anymore.

Fortunately, one of the wife's friends completely ignored the weather report and had a little cook-out on Sunday anyway, so we were not completely without something to do.

It was this particular young lady's first time hosting a barbecue and it was fun watching an amateur going through the paces.

She made some rookie mistakes that all of us have made at one point or another, like underestimating the amount of coals, or overestimating the cooking time for various items. Not that she ruined anything, but there was a certain optimistic confusion that I found entertaining.

But what I really found surprising was the amount of food she prepared.

For seven people she had two slabs of ribs, a dozen sausages, a half dozen hamburgers, ten ears of corn, a pasta salad and a platter of fresh vegetables, plus chips and two different kinds of dips. And dessert.

I don't know if she thinks we are all carrying around 10-foot tapeworms, or if she just has no clue how much normal people eat, but the seven of us barely made a dent in that mountain of food.

It was good, but she is probably still eating leftover bratwurst and pasta salad today.

Oddly enough, the one thing she did not have a surfeit of was beer. Probably 20 pounds of food and one case of beer for seven people. That's a woman party-planning for you.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, 'I'm doing this for America.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"After being arrested for crashing his car into a shopping mall, a Florida man explained to police that he was trying to time-travel. Which is crazy. If you want to travel 50 years into the future, just leave Florida." -Seth Meyers

***
"A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die." -Conan O'Brien

***
Two old men went hunting one day. A hang glider came soaring overhead and the first old man raised his gun and fired. After a brief pause the second old man asked "Did you get it, whatever it was?"

The first old man replied "No, I think I missed it. But I sure as heck made it turn loose that poor fella it was carrying away!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
When my 14-year-old son, Patrick, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, "Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!"

After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. "Sorry folks, that's PAT Hogan!"