Monday, February 10, 2014

Good morning crew,

When I read the list of "Laws" you'll find in today's issue I was reminded of a "law" that I made up while at the airport earlier this month.

The wife and I were randomly selected to get in the "pre-screened" line at security. This special status exempts travelers from security measures like having to take their shoes off or getting felt up without the preamble of a bottle of wine and awkward conversation.

Anyway, while we were standing in line we were chatting with another traveler who said he has had pre-screened status since they started it.

"It used to be free," he said, "but since then they have started charging $85."

"Well, of course," I told him. "That must be some kind of rule of governmental bureaucracy, 'Any time there is an opportunity to charge a fee, a fee will be charged.'"

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"The Olympics have begun in Sochi. A lot of people over there say the hotels stink. The problem is there are only three hotels in Sochi. Of course, you have the Ritz Chernobyl. You have the Sheraton Gulag. And really the best one over there, The Two Seasons." -Dave Letterman

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"Hillary Clinton is encouraging Hispanic families to read to their kids. She's also telling Asian families to ease up on the math so the rest of us can catch up." -Conan O'Brien

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"A new LEGO movie is coming out. I've heard some people say, 'This LEGO movie is basically just a two-hour commercial.' These people are completely wrong. It's only 90 minutes." -Craig Ferguson

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Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will..." - Here are some other Laws you may not have heard!


Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Lowery's Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway

Beach's Law: Interchangeable parts aren't.

William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Lane's Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply.

Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Norman Einstein's Law: If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Col. Murphy's Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands.

He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."

"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"