Monday, April 13, 2015

Good morning crew,

Having been involved in the martial arts and self defense for a long time, I have been presented many times with a question like the one in the last joke below; "What would you do if...?"

My usual response of a kick to the groin is almost universally panned, or at the very least met with regret.

My second most usual response, a gouge in the eye, is also very unpopular.

Self defense very infrequently looks like a Jackie Chan movie.

I remember demonstrating a technique for escaping from a bear hug from behind to one low belt who was unimpressed with my solution to the problem.

So he said, "Okay, so what would you do if..." and he proceeded to plant his feet wide, squat down and grab me around the waist, picking me up completely off the floor.

He had cleverly neutralized my escape technique by putting his testicles about 10 inches from my heel.

I don't think I have to tell you how that little episode worked out for him. On the plus side, at least I didn't gouge him in the eyeball.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The handwritten lyrics to Don McLean's classic song 'American Pie' were auctioned off yesterday and sold for $1.2 million. In fact, McLean already has dubbed April 7 'the Day the Music Paid for my Boat.'" --Jimmy Fallon

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"McDonald's has announced plans to unveil even larger hamburgers. They also announced plans to widen their doors and reinforce the floors." -Conan O'Brien

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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today appeared on a talk show called 'Pasta and Politics.' It went so well that he's agreed to go on 'Meet the Garlic Press.'" -Seth Meyers

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No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "BIG ones."