Cult Classic Hit... "Reefer Madness" Just $4.99
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/1155/c/186/a/505
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Good morning crew,
When you read the list below, folks, please remember that it
was not written by a man or it would not be so naive (even
despite the fact that it was written for comic effect).
Men do not have a blind fascination and desire for tools and
hardware. What they DO have is a desire to control their en-
vironment. Anybody who has had a toilet start leaking all
over their bathroom at two o'clock in the morning and
discovered they do not have the right size wrench knows what
I'm talking about.
And what would a woman do in such a situation? She would call
a man.
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We now have a Forum. You can post comments on this and
recent issues at... http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com
***
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Normal Price: $19.99
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Get two for $15.98
The Neck Genie will give your face a lift resulting in tighter
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Take years off your appearance and gently firm the underlying
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Use just two minutes a day and the Neck Genie will help you
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Get one for $9.99 or buddy up with a friend and get two for $15.98
=
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***
"Last week, the temperature was in the 20s and yesterday it
got up to 59 degrees. It's crazy, I keep having to change my
outfit and my position on global warming." -Jimmy Fallon
***
"It was on this day that Julius Caesar was stabbed in the
back by members of the senate, ironically, while pleading
for healthcare." -Jay Leno
***
"Daylight Savings begins on Sunday, which means we lose an
hour. But if you watch this show, you're used to it."
-Craig Ferguson
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SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE
Made In Germany, Don't Be Fooled By Others...
Retail Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99
Get two for $4.98
Now is the time to get this FULL SIZED SHAMMIE for just $2.99.
Made in Germany don't be fooled by others on the market that
just don't do the job AND are more than triple the price!
Like on TV, this Super Size Shammie Absorbs 50% than natural
chamois. It's extra large size of 27 x 17 can be cut in half
for smaller jobs. Durable enough for just about any task, but
soft and gentle enough for use on any surface.
It's the PERFECT cleaning cloth and has hundreds of household
uses: floors, countertops, appliances, furniture windows, pets
and more. Perfect for washing car or boat, too!. Like on TV,
this soft, absorbent and non-abrasive cloth is 100% polyester
and will not scratch or damage any surface. Best of all... it's
reusable! Just machine washable... but do not tumble dry.
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Gifts For Him
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts
for their cars. No one knows why.
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-
way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" No one
knows why.
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter
if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he
has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many
cordless drills. Again, no one knows why.
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear
bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they
have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a
big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch
him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it
will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey
or beer.
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave
or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink."
You get the idea. No one knows why.
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required"
on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always
have parts left over.
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance
Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter
if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be
something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound pro-
pane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The
challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain-
saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and
what happens when he gets a label maker.
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It
must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins,
or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred
feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my
dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition.
The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test
drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car
broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.
When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the
driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me
with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take
to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?"
____________________________________________________________
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