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Friday, July 29, 2016

Good morning crew,

You know what phrase doesn't mean what it used to? Restaurant quality. That is really a misnomer. Restaurant quality is supposed to be something a little out-of-the-ordinary, but in reality, most of the restaurants I go to do not prepare food better than I could make it for myself at home. What I usually go to restaurants for is the convenience.

For example; I could make myself a delicious crispy chicken sandwich if I went to the store, bought an organically raised chicken breast, made a breading with buttermilk, corn flour, fresh eggs, milk, sage, thyme, nutmeg and black pepper, deep fried it in peanut oil, and put it on a garlic toasted ciabatta roll with fresh tomatoes, lettuce and a chilli lime mayonnaise.

But I'm not going to do all that for a lousy chicken sandwich.

Instead, I save myself the three hours of work and go to the corner restaurant and spend $7 for a chicken breast that was probably frozen the night before and served on a soggy bun.

So, what 'restaurant quality' really means is; kind of crappy but convenient.

Of course, there are exceptions. One of my favorite steak houses is Ditka's. There I can get an Angus beef New York strip that has been dry-aged for 45 days, flame-broiled, drizzled with roasted garlic butter and served with caramelized onions.

I literally could not duplicate that at home unless I built a humidity-controlled salt cellar in my basement.

Unfortunately, I can only afford to go to Ditka's about twice
a year.

Come to think of it, it has been about six months since we've been there...

Laugh it up,


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"It's being reported that 19 out of the 31 apartment buildings in the Rio Olympic Village are not ready yet. Today, Rio organizers asked, 'How does everybody feel about a Fall Olympics?'" -Conan O'Brien


"Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn't win is going to look great on her resume." -Jimmy Kimmel


"New York was hit with a large thunderstorm last night, which caused enough rain to create temporary waterfalls in some subway stations. It's the closest New Yorkers have ever come to seeing nature." -Seth Meyers


A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive.

No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that does all that.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."

"If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend.

"I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another 10 pounds first."

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