Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Good morning crew,

We had an ever-so-brief respite from the cold with a spring-like 45 degree day here in the Chicago area, but now it is back down into the 20s and it is snowing again.

To me that is a perfect excuse to spend my nights indoors and wasting time with games, but I don't get home until about 7:30 at night and then the wife insists that I pay her some attention.

I thought when I got married this relationship stuff was over?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A big movie opened today, 'The Legend of Hercules.' According to Greek mythology, Hercules was the son of Zeus. He was born with incredible strength. But it turned out to be a lie after he sat down with Oprah and confessed to using steroids." -Craig Ferguson

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"Today President Obama invited unemployed Americans to the White House for a discussion about income inequality. Because if there's one way to show sympathy for the unemployed, it's to invite them to a giant white mansion that you get to live in for free." -Jimmy Fallon

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"You know how sometimes during war time, civil liberties can take a back seat to national security? Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news is this -- no Japanese people are being sent to any camps. The bad news is, that time you got hammered and drunk dialed your ex-girlfriend who's studying abroad and sang her that WHAM! song that was 'your song' -- uh, the government's got that on tape." --Jon Stewart

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A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.

"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.

The woman took a deep breath. "He's very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..."

"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It's YOUR child!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, he came across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thorn and the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and stared at him intently. For a long minute the man stood frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with his son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly, then it continued to stare at him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.