Monday, December 22, 2014

Good morning crew,

You know what today is? That's right...it's the first day of Winter. That means yesterday was the Winter Solstice and the longest night of the year. The old pagan religions gave a lot of importance to the solstice, probably because after this date the days start to get longer and they wouldn't have had to spend so much time wandering around in the dark wondering if the bear that was about to attack them was one of their relatives reincarnated with a chip on his shoulder.

But to me it just means we're finally on our way back to Summer. Only 25 weeks. And three days until Christmas!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Christmas is a strange holiday. It's Jesus' birthday. But Nobody knows Jesus' exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for Facebook." Jimmy Kimmel

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"It is officially one week until Christmas. That means if you're a guy, you have six days until you have to start shopping." -Conan O'Brien

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"An olive oil bar has opened in Brooklyn. It offers more than 40 different kinds of olive oil. If you'd like to know more, wait until your girlfriend drags you there." -Seth Meyers

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A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of Hamlet's famous soliloquy: "To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was "just up ahead."

One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald spots and is straight."