Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Good morning crew,

We're back in the freezer. Last night it was 11 degrees and this morning it was 7. They're forecasting 14 for tonight. With my luck I'm expecting the furnace to fail any day now.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"China this weekend formally replaced its one-child policy with a new law allowing two children per family. That way, families will have one child to play with, while the other one's at work." -Seth Meyers

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"A new study shows that monkeys can look at photos and recognize other monkeys they know. However, the study also shows that monkeys are terrible with names." -Conan O'Brien

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"A man in London just took Uber's one-billionth ride, and to celebrate, Uber gave him a year's worth of free rides. The man says he's excited to spend the entire year drunk." -Jimmy Fallon

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A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Physics 101

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: 1 Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League