Friday, June 3, 2016

Good morning crew,

My backyard is starting to look like a jungle.

When the last homeowners were looking to sell the place, they had a landscaper trim the backyard fence with a border of red mulch surrounded by landscaping bricks in order to spruce the place up.

But apparently they didn't think it was worth the money to put down a weed barrier (it's not like they were going to be living with it, right?), so almost immediately weeds and grass began to grow up through the mulch.

At first I tried pulling the weeds and grass, but it just came up too fast. The most obvious solution would be to rake up the old mulch, put down a weed barrier and spread new mulch over it, but the wife hates, and I mean 'hates' that mulch, so instead of taking care of the problem we have been discussing alternative landscape designs...for the last 19 months. And in that time the weeds and grass growing up through the mulch has turned into a lush and verdant greenbelt surrounding the yard. Some small wildlife has moved in there and a rudimentary ecosystem is developing.

In other words, we really have to do something about it soon.

Toward that end the wife and I went to the home improvement store last weekend and bought some pavers, some gravel, some base sand and some sod in preparation to really get some work done on that landscaping.

We did put the sod down over a bare patch in the lawn (where we dug up the bad wiring last year).

But those pavers are still stacked right where we piled them.

So this weekend we have some real and honest to true plans to get some work done. As long as some rain or a barbecue or something gets in the way.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"AAA reports that more than 38 million Americans will travel at least 50 miles from their home Memorial Day weekend. The number of dads who actually will turn this car around: still zero." -Jimmy Fallon

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"The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's all a misunderstanding - those ARE the ingredients." -Seth Meyers

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"A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man's career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat. So if you're a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You're hideous." -James Corden

***
One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"

His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"

The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.

Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

Butt clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."