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Monday, July 11, 2016

Good morning crew,

I went from running a bed and breakfast for 8 people last week to being a bachelor again this week.

The wife took a pet (and house) sitting job for the week so it is just going to be me and the furry, little monster roaming around an empty house for the next five days.

There are some advantages. The house she is staying at has a very nice pool, and the homeowner is a beer-lover, so he usually keeps his fridge stocked with a good selection of craft beers.

Just yesterday we had a little pool party over there where I plowed through three of four of his beers while doing back flips and hand stands off of his pool deck and generally annoying his neighbors, I'm sure.

On the other hand, back home I'm doing my own laundry, cooking my own meals, and washing my own dishes, so nothing has really changed there, but the poor dog is really taking the wife's absence hard.

She refused to eat all day yesterday (the dog, not the wife). I had to share some of the barbecue chicken I brought home for my dinner with the dog in order to tempt her into eating.

I'm not going to spend the next five days spoon-feeding a depressed dog, I'll tell you that much.

I mean, I miss my wife too, but I show it by eating take out food in my underwear while watching cable TV.

I think 'Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid' is on tonight.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." -Lisa Kirk

***

"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey

***

"Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets 'em ready for the real world" --George Carlin

***

The party's host paid me a great compliment. "You are a good-looking woman," he said. "Honest--I've had only one beer."

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, "Imagine how great she'll look after two."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

"Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked.

"Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings."

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