Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Good morning crew,

Like we always do for holidays or parties (okay, like I always do for holidays and parties) we made way more food than we needed for Easter lunch. The wife bought a 7 pound ham, and while my in-laws are perfectly happy with instant potatoes and maybe a vegetable or two, I insisted on making a pan of potatoes au gratin and a green bean casserole. And because I don't know how to divide by two the recipes yielded huge portions.

Add in a dozen hard boiled eggs and a relish tray and we could have easily fed eight people instead of the four we had.

So our meals for the last three days have been a little... monotonous might be a good word. Forced might be a better one. A scoop of green bean casserole and a hard boiled egg for breakfast gets old fast. But for what I paid for that smorgasbord, not to mention the work I put into it, I can't bear to let it go to waste.

Last night the wife begged me, "Can we have a salad for dinner tomorrow night?"

"Of course," I told her, "as long as you dice up some cold ham and a couple hard boiled eggs in it."

The only one who's really been enjoying it is the dog, but I don't think she'll be able to finish the 3 pounds of ham that's left by herself.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his laptop computer. He said his laptop is just like a wife because whenever he brings it into bed, it freezes." -Conan O'Brien

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"It just came out that Pope Francis said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, 'Never mind, I found it.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Baby names based on the characters from 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' are becoming very popular. I feel like if you're naming your baby after a science fiction movie character, maybe you're not ready to have a baby." -Jimmy Kimmel

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It just dawned on me why Mayberry from 'The Andy Griffith Show' was so peaceful and quiet ....nobody was married!

Here are the single people that come to mind. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara... in fact, the only one who was married was Otis, and he was the town drunk.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jew who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it's a great school, and completely secular.

After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, "By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost."

The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, "Danny, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God... and we don't believe in him!"