Monday, October 26, 2015

Good morning crew,

The folks over at American Express are real comedians. About once a month they send me an application for their card and in every single solicitation there is a call out that warns...

"Act now! This offer is only valid until the end of the month!"

Of course it is, because by next month I'll have a new solicitation in my mail box. Who do these people think they're kidding?

They're starting to wear me down, though. I'm starting to believe that it would be worth the $150 a year just to have the stupid thing in my wallet. After all, according to their letter I've... "earned this recognition," which means they believe me to be a first class sucker.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Tom Brady just did an interview where he called Coca-Cola 'poison for kids' and said he didn't think Frosted Flakes is actually food. That story again: Do NOT go trick-or-treating at Tom Brady's house! 'Who wants some raisins and toothbrushes?!'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"I have a strict policy. I will not and do not publicize unsubstantiated rumors about anyone unless they're very funny." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Oprah Winfrey is buying a 10 percent stake in Weight Watchers. Oprah's financial advisor asked her if she wanted to buy a large stake and Oprah said, 'Oh, yeah!'" -Conan O'Brien

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A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife murmurs, "I love you."

"Is that you or the wine talking?" asks the husband.

"It's me," says the wife, "talking to the wine."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and stupid; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?"