Thursday, November 28, 2013Good morning crew,
Happy, happy Turkey Day! Right now I am most likely committing at least two of the seven deadly sins (maybe three depending on how liberal some of your definitions are).
One of them is gluttony (and who can criticize with all of that delicious turkey and all of those scrumptious sides to be eaten).
You'll have to guess what the other one is.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S.
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***Top Ten Signs You've Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving (From David Letterman's Top Ten)
10. You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.
9. Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams.
8. All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.
7. While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker.
6. Strangers keep addressing you as "Mr. President".
5. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read "Good Lord!"
4. You now have an butt the size of Plymouth Rock.
3. People keep looking at you and saying, "I thought the Macy's Parade was over."
2. Your relatives can't go home because they're stuck in your gravitational field.
1. You're sweatin' gravy, my friend!
***One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, a man said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"
"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," the man sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."
Thanking the Priest, the man hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.