Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Good morning crew,

Some of the folks in the office were having a discussion about the worst jobs we've ever had. I told about how in high school I worked for a landscaper digging ditches and in college I worked in the cafeteria kitchen scrubbing pots and pans.

Then Ashley, one of our customer service girls, piped up to describe her worst job.

She assumed a far-off expression as if recalling some distant but poignant pain and told us about her harrowing experiences working in a bagel shop.

"One year I had to help bake the bagels," she confessed. "I had to be IN the store by 5:30 every morning..." She rubbed her temples as the memories flooded back. "It was hell."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Sometimes I sit for hours weighing the fine distinctions among the words spunk, pluck, nerve, chutzpah, gall and moxie." --George Carlin

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A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies, "No I'm traveling light."

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"I have a list I made when I was twelve of things I wanted to do before I die. Omigod...how embarrassing. Number One: Touch a boobie." --Drew Carey

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THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS:

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down.

Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?"

The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the children, yes."