Thursday, May 1, 2014

Good morning crew,

Today is payday, and with 30 days and four full weekends in April it seemed like it was a long time coming! Yesterday I was down to six dollars cash in my pocket, which I guess is pretty good budgeting, if you think about it.

It is a strong temptation to go to the credit card when you are down to your last six bucks of discretionary funds and you're facing a can of tuna for dinner.

But the wife and I are still hoping against hope to buy an actual free-standing house with a roof and everything this year, and I am so close to paying my credit card off I could not bring myself to add on even a few extra dollars of debt.

Tonight is a different story. Tonight I am taking the wife out for drinks after work, and our local bar even has free pizza and chicken wings from four to six! Totally worth the wait.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

***
"Facebook has acquired a new mobile app that would allow users to track their exercise and measure how many calories they've burned. So if you love Facebook, and you love exercise, you're lying about one of those." -Seth Meyers

***
"Aquaman is making his big screen debut in the upcoming Justice League movie. I'm not clear how Aquaman will get into the Justice League headquarters. It's an all-glass building with no rivers or streams leading to it. It gives me a bad feeling that Aquaman arrives through the toilet." -Craig Ferguson

***
"Producers are currently working on a remake of the classic 1959 Charlton Heston film 'Ben-Hur.' They're calling the remake 'Ben-Hur, Done That.'" Jimmy Fallon

***
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man was trying to pull out of a parking place, and bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.

The note read:

"Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name and phone number. You should be so lucky!"