Friday, October 17, 2014

Good morning crew,

It's time to strap on the ol' tool belt. I was finally able to recruit a little help for my workbench project, and if I don't do it now, while I have the additional man and brain power (and a mostly empty garage), it will probably never get done.

It has been a long time since I actually built anything, and while a workbench is not exactly an ambitious project I feel more confident of a quality end product with a bit of expertise on my side. Toward this end I have enlisted the aid of my brother Nino and old Mason, both of whom are engineering drop-outs who became salesmen, so it should be entertaining if nothing else.

I'll let you know how things go next week. Right now I have to head off to the home improvement store and buy 60 or so board-feet of lumber and a box of screws, or staples, or whatever you're supposed to use to stick wood together.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"On this day in 1912, President Teddy Roosevelt was shot, declined to go to the hospital, and gave a 90-minute speech with a bullet in his chest. Then on this day in 2012, I spent the whole day on WebMD because my eyelid wouldn't stop twitching." -Seth Meyers

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"New York state is spending $750 million to open a solar plant in Buffalo, which will create thousands of jobs. Most of those jobs will be shoveling the snow off the solar equipment." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A lot of people have a three-day weekend because of Columbus Day. As the story goes, Columbus was aiming for India, wound up in the Caribbean, and Americans have been terrible at geography ever since." -Jimmy Kimmel

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Report from The Washington Post, in which they asked readers to come up with absurd warning labels for common products.


Fourth Runner-Up -- On an infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water. (Gary Dawson, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up -- On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Second Runner-Up -- On a Magic 8 Ball:
Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

First Runner-Up -- On a roll of Life Savers:
Not for use as a flotation device. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

And the winner of the Power Ranger pinata: On a cup of McDonald's coffee:
Allow to cool before applying to groin area. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
All but two of the ballerinas were in costume early for the matinee performance. At 1:55 the distressed director asked this pair of women why they were not yet in costume. The first one said, "it may seem like a silly superstition but I never put mine on until 1:58." 'What about you, the same thing?" he asked the other dancer.

She replied, "Oh yes, I have a two to two tutu, too!