Thursday, April 3, 2014

Good morning crew,

Well, another week just about gone. And I think that is the difference between a young man and a man who is not so young. At the end of the week a young man thinks, 'Woo hoo! The weekend!' And a not-so-young man thinks, 'One more week of my life gone.'

Of course, that is before happy hour tonight.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The White House says it's surpassed its goal for people enrolled in Obamacare. It's amazing what you can achieve when you make something mandatory and fine people if they don't do it, and keep extending the deadline for months." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Sweden and France have developed technology that allows cars to detect the emotions of their drivers. The system uses an infrared camera to determine if you're upset. The car will beep and flash a warning light, telling you to calm down. Nothing soothes an angry driver like a loud beeping sound and warning light." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"The Dallas Public Library displays one of the original copies of the Declaration of Independence - also the only copy stained with barbecue sauce." -Conan O'Brien

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A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, "Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?"

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately.

A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. "My goodness," the flight attendant says, "I've never seen someone so afraid to fly."

"I'm not afraid of flying," says the man sobbing loudly, "I'm trying to give up drinking."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Judi and Gayle were at an auto show. There they saw a hot-rod with a jacked up rear end.

"Judi, why is the back end higher than the front?" Gayle asked.

"Don't you know ANYTHING?" Judi sighed exasperated. "If you've got the back up like that, then you're always going downhill!"