Thursday, May 24, 2012

Good morning crew,

Ok, this has got to stop. I just got my credit card statement in the mail and all of the wedding expenses from last month or two have caught up with me (and maybe a couple of dinners, ahem). I can't turn into one of those people who lives off of their credit card! If that happens who am I going to make fun of and criticize for being undisciplined?

Now that I am going to be married it's time for a new regime of discipline. Who better to help me with fiscal responsibility than a woman?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"One of the pioneers of TV passed away over the weekend, Eugene Polley, who invented the remote control. Polley died doing what he loved ? not getting up." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Some people use Facebook to check up on ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. That just seems creepy to me. I like it the old-fashioned way. If you want to check up on an ex, go through their trash." -Craig Ferguson

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"That Facebook guy, Mark Zuckerberg, got married over the weekend. His company goes public, and he's now worth $100 billion. Then he gets married. He may not be as smart as we thought." -Dave Letterman

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The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?"

"Yes," she answered. "Come to thik of it...there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him."

"And, when was that?"

"When he asked for the second cup."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Since he runs a pawnshop, I decided to ask a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin. "Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained.

"What makes it a fiddle and not a violin?" I asked.

"If you're buying it from me, it's a violin. If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle."