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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Good morning crew,

I had a lovely conversation with my dear mother the other day.

I was telling her all about our upcoming European trip, and complaining about the difficulties I was having learning German.

I knew I was never going to become fluent in a few months, but understanding the idioms, inconsistencies and contradictions I have been encountering have proved to be more of a challenge than I expected. There is only so much I can unravel using a phrase book and Google Translate.

But since Mom is a native German-speaker, even though she hasn't actively spoken the language in 50 or so years, I thought she might be able to provide some insight into some of these problems.

For example; I keep coming across two different words for elevator; 'aufzug' and 'fahrstuhl'. Is one more common than the other? Is one slang? Am I going to sound like a complete 'Auslander' using 'fahrstuhl' when the entire native German population says 'aufzug'?

So I asked Mom about it.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know. When I was a little girl in Germany there were no elevators."

Laugh it up,


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"Astronaut Jeffrey Williams just set the U.S. record for most days in space, reaching the milestone of 521 days. It's less of an accomplishment after NASA admitted they sort of forgot he was up there." -Jimmy Fallon


"A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents." -Seth Meyers


"A developer in New York wants to build an IHOP on top of a Revolutionary War cemetery. IHOP's CEO said, 'It makes sense, we've killed more Americans than the British ever did.'" -Conan O'Brien


A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She had made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they had eaten half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another, and another. By the time she had polished off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed.

"What did he say when he found out?" one club member asked.

"He never found out," she said. "I made another cake and ate half."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

"University of Oklahoma," he yelled back.

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