Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Good morning crew,

It seems that stupidity is still running rampant out there. Fortunately there is still a little bit of honesty left, too.

I was recruited to attend a martial arts tournament on Sunday to help organize and coach the little kids and keep them from running out on the competition floor in the middle of the sword forms and getting decapitated...that type of thing.

As an assistant I am expected to wear my uniform in order to distinguish myself from a spectator. So I brought my gym bag with all of my stuff in it to the college gymnasium where the tournament was being held.

I found where our group of students and parents were sitting in the bleachers, dumped my bag on a bench, and then took a lap to say hello to everyone, pick up a schedule of events and generally make my presence known. With a couple thousand people there that took a while.

When I finally went back to pick up my bag and change clothes what did I discover but somebody had picked it up and walked away with it.

Plus, by bizarre coincidence, the public announcement system was malfunctioning, so I couldn't ask the announcer to ask the crowd about it.

So for the next four hours, when I wasn't corralling little kids, I was wandering around the bleachers asking if anyone had accidentally picked up the wrong bag.

It was a real inconvenience, too. I kept getting weird looks from the masters and other coaches who would say things like, "I'm sorry sir, but spectators aren't allowed in the competition areas."

But when they finally got the PA system working again and I was able to make an announcement I was pleased to find that it was a mistake after all, and the negligent person returned my bag. But really it couldn't have been theft, because who would want to steal a bag full of smelly, old gym clothes?

On the other hand, somebody was carrying around a bag that wasn't theirs for five hours!

However, I have a solution to that little problem. We just so happen to have neon green luggage tags which are designed to keep this very kind of thing from happening. I just bought a set. I happen to get a ten percent employee discount...but at less than two bucks you won't be breaking the bank.

Check them out here! Neon Luggage Tags 2-Pack

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Well, a new study has found that having a cat makes you 40 percent less likely to die of a heart attack. Not that the cat could care less either way, really." --Jay Leno

***
"Wal-Mart is planning to reduce its healthcare plan for new employees. Which explains why today, my greeter was like, 'Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart. Would you mind checking out this mole?'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as those that aren't spanked to get into fights and destroy things ? which is probably why they get spanked in the first place." -Jimmy Kimmel

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We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24."

"Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number."

"Oh," he said. "In that case give me the 12."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie."

She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!"

"How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?"

"He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly.

"Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?"

"I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly.

A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE."