Friday, August 7, 2015

Good morning crew,

Looks like we are heading to the Renaissance Faire up by Wisconsin this weekend. To be perfectly honest I was hoping to skip it this year, mostly to avoid blowing some big chunk of money on something we don't really need, which is exactly why the wife is insisting on going.

Last year at the faire she found some concrete animals (kind of like sculptures) which she just fell in love with. Unfortunately, not only were they about 80 pounds each they were also about a million dollars. Fortunately, I was able to talk her out of buying them because there was no place to display an 80-pound concrete dog in the condo.

This year we are in a house and she is downright ecstatic at the prospect of lugging one or two of these monstrosities home and sticking them in the yard somewhere.

There is no stopping here this time, unless by some miracle the same vendor is not at the faire this year, although that would break the poor woman's heart.

All I can say is she had better bring her weight-lifting belt if she plans on getting one of those things a quarter mile out to the truck.

At least there is less to clean up after a concrete dog.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Oreo has come out with a new lower calorie cookie called Oreo Thins. Which is also a good way to describe people who eat them. 'I wouldn't say you're fat, I'd say you're ... Oreo Thin.'" -Seth Meyers

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"A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don't have even a basic knowledge of finances. Although in fairness, I'm 38 and I just found out this year that a 401(k) is NOT a type of marathon." -Jimmy Fallon

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"HitchBOT, the lovable hitchhiking robot, hitched safely across Canada, made it to the East Coast of the United States, but unfortunately didn't get out of Philadelphia alive. HitchBOT was vandalized, his head and arms were torn off, and then he was left on the side of the road. When reached for comment, Philadelphia said, 'Yep. That sounds about right.'" -James Corden

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Some of the best Norm Peterson quotes from "Cheers":

"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."

"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."