Thursday, February 23, 2012

Good morning crew,

I don't know how he does it every time, but ol' Mason talked me into going to the casino with him again this weekend. Not that I can really afford it, but I have been doing a little math and if I reduce my credit card payment by a hundred bucks, cancel my cable service for a month, skip food shopping this week and push my mortgage payment until the fifteenth of next month, I should just be able to afford to hang out at the casino for about two hours.

It's like I always say, never gamble with more than you can afford to lose.

Of course, I didn't have to twist the girlfriend's arm very far in order to convince her to go.

But I look at a trip to casino more like entertainment than gambling. Usually I will see patrons there dressed like indigents, huddled over slot machines, either desperately jabbing at buttons like they aren't going to eat if they don't win, or they have a look of complete apathy like all hope has left their lives.

I like to picture myself more like Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra...or more contemporarily George Clooney. I like to dress up a little, grease my hair back, wear my gold nugget ring and stuff my roll of fives and singles into my gold money clip (with a fifty strategically wrapped aroud the outside).

Then I order martinis and make glib comments to the cocktail waitresses. And at the end of the night I can usually talk the GF into buying me dinner after I have blown my stake.

I guess there are worse ways to spend a Saturday night.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

***
"According to a survey by nationwide mutual insurance, 2 percent of people actually shave while they're driving. They shave! How many guys would like to be in the car with those women?" --Jay Leno

***
"The best daredevil of all time is Evel Knievel. You have no choice but to be a daredevil when your parents name you Evel. You can't be a florist or psychotherapist." -Craig Ferguson

***
"A man in China discovered a new kind of fish that looks like it has wings and legs. The discovery has led to questions from biologists ? and a bidding war between KFC and Red Lobster." -Jimmy Fallon

***
[collected, with family friendly edits, from Overheard in the Office, Overheard on the Beach, and Overheard in New York.]


Marketing Guy: Why haven't you kept me up-to-date on this account?

Ops Guy: I've cc'd you on every e-mail I sent to them!

Marketing Guy: I don't have time to read my e-mails. There's too much information in them. If you send me an important e-mail, give me a call to let me know I need to check it.

===

Blonde: Mmmm, it smells so good in here! Doesn't it smell good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what's in my nose right now!

Friend: I know!

===

Sales Guy, entering a meeting: Sorry I'm late....

Director of Marketing: You brought doughnuts? Coffee?

Sales Guy: Nooooo....

Director of Marketing: Then you're dead to us. Get out.

===

Teen, trying on a jacket: How does this look on me, on a scale of one to ten, with five being in the middle?

===

Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now, and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college.

Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education.

===

Dude: I'm sick of drama, and I'm sick of people coming down and crashing at my beach house. It's so annoying when people just use my stuff. Can I have some of your water?


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?"

"It's mating season," the keeper replies. "They're inside."

"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"

"Probably not," answers the keeper.

"Why not?" persists the visitor.

"Would you?"