Monday, October 7, 2013

Good morning crew,

A little known fact about my wife is that in addition to teaching cardio taekwondo she is also a veterinary assistant. You might call her a woman of many parts.

So this weekend, while we were out and about Saturday night, she told me we had to stop by the vet's office where she works so she could take care of some boarding animals.

She was busy taking care of a dog and as I was standing around waiting for her I found a beautiful white cat locked in a cage. I stuck my finger through the bars and the kitty immediately walked over to me and began rubbing her head against my finger and purring like a motorboat.

The wife poked her head around the corner and cautioned me, "Don't let that cat out of her cage!"

"Why not?" I asked. "She seems completely harmless."

"Well, she's not. She has Feline Leukemia and it is extremely contagious."

"You mean to humans?" I squealed, yanking my fingers out of the cage. "Like the bird flu?"

"Oh yeah, very."

She watched for a few seconds while I scrambled for the sink to wash my hands before exploding in that diabolical laugh of hers and explaining to me that it is only communicable to other animals, but by that time she already had me spooked.

Fast forward to the next morning, we were sitting around the kitchen table over our first cup of coffee when I was seized by a fit of sneezing.

"Uh-oh," the wife said, pushing her chair back away from me.

"What oh?" I asked.

"Severe sneezing...that's the first symptom of Feline Leukemia."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!

***
"We are at a standstill with the government shutdown. Passport offices have been closed too. Interesting fact: Passport lines take exactly the same amount of time whether the passport office is open or not." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"A Vatican cardinal said Jesus was the original tweeter. I don't know how popular he was. He only had 12 followers." -Conan O'Brien

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"The New York City opera shut down. They're bankrupt. If you go out in the street and ask somebody what they think about opera, they'll say they think opera is that woman who gives away cars on her TV show." -Dave Letterman

***
Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk."

"Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you are with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life."

"Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Conflicting Proverbs

Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

A silent man is a wise one.
A man without words is a man without thoughts.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Clothes make the man.
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
Two's company; three's a crowd


It's no wonder we're all confused.