Thursday, December 23, 2010
Good morning crew,
Here it is, Christmas Eve-Eve. I guess I should really start
thinking about doing some Christmas shopping in the next
couple of days. But that is going to mean a trip to the
mall, and if there is one thing I loath in the free world,
it is going to the mall.
Do you think the wise guys had that problem when they
brought gifts to the baby Jesus?
"Balthazar, what did you get the baby Jesus?"
"I brought some frankincense, how about you?"
"Myrrh. I couldn't think of anything else. What about you,
Melchior?
"I brought gold."
"Gold! I thought we agreed on a $20 limit! Now me and
Balthazar are going to look like a couple of cheap skates.
Nice going."
Okay, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that.
Anyway, I hope everybody have a safe and happy holiday!
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
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"Ninety-nine percent of the eggnog purchased all year is
purchased during the week before Christmas. And 99 percent
of that eggnog is poured down the drain during the week
after Christmas." -Jimmy Kimmel
***
"There's only a few days left to finish your Christmas
shopping. Or as most guys look at it, 'There's still a few
days left to start my Christmas shopping.'" -Jimmy Fallon
***
"Here's a fun fact: You know how much Christmas wrapping
paper is on the average roll? Four inches less than you
need." -Jay Leno
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GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If,
when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you
recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item
on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design
on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped
in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must
be smoking crack.
* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping
paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those
little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual
effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on
Christmas morning
Your wife: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
You: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
Your wife: (peering into the trash bag) It's a leaf blower.
You: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
Your wife: I want a divorce.
You: I also got you some myrrh.
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what
you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during
this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our
family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas
tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the
perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but
Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was
"just up ahead."
One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't
exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if
you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald
spots and is straight."
____________________________________________________________
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