Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Good morning crew,
I assisted in a women's self-defense seminar last night. It
is amazing how timid some women can be. I don't think I would
make a very good women's self-defense instructor because I
never really thought about what it would be like to attack
or abduct a woman. So I'm not sure I could give effective
advice.
For example; at one point I was supposed to be attacking
one of the women from behind, but instead of simulating a
realistic, aggressive attack I gave her more of an
affectionate embrace.
My lack of realism was robbing her of an effective learning
experience, but on the other hand I'm fairly certain she was
blowing in my ear.
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters
from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in
between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at
the bottom of the page!
***
The epic history Spielberg and Hanks took their inspiration from.
The real life story of the Pacific. Victory at Sea on DVD - NOW 9.99.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/3656/c/186/a/505
***
"Oprah Winfrey, Meryl Streep, and Sandra Bullock are going
to star in a new movie by 'Sex and the City' director Michael
Patrick King. Or, as girlfriends who were dragged to watch
'Jackass 3D' call it, 'Payback.'" -Jimmy Fallon
***
"Everyone is on strike in France. In Paris, they called in
riot police. They're no joke. They crack skulls with
baguettes and they unleash fire hoses filled with soft
cheese." -Craig Ferguson
***
"A woman who is tired of the pressure to get married is
marrying herself. There's just got to be someone for Jennifer
Aniston." -David Letterman
YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR
Top Viewed Videos...
1. All the Single Babies
http://c.gophercentral.com/Icgl
2. Celebrities: Before and After Make-Up
http://c.gophercentral.com/lhPb
3. Amos N´ Andy - In the IRS Office
http://c.gophercentral.com/DVhQ
4. The D-Day Invasion
http://c.gophercentral.com/DDAx
5. The Spanish Civil War
http://c.gophercentral.com/3K42
6. The Human Slinky
http://c.gophercentral.com/Wwa9
Maybe this is why they don't teach music in high school
any more. Following are actual answers from students on
music tests...
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was
called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the
same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know ex-
actly what they sounded like because there are no known
descendants.
- Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze
Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica,
Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in
Blue.
- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a
duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
- Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the
Hatfields and the McCoys.
- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
- Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical com-
positions and had a large number of children. In between he
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.
- Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano
concerti.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at
a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there
was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which
said, "Please Wiggel Handel".
Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel
Bach?"
____________________________________________________________
WHAT DID THE BUDDHIST SAY TO THE HOTDOG VENDOR?
Want to know the answer to this important question? Then you
need to get a copy of THE BEST OF CLEAN LAFFS! Order Joe's
laff diary for the new, reduced DEAL price of * $1.51 * plus
postage and handling.
Check it out: http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/2421/c/120/a/505
************************************************************