Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Good morning crew,

It was quite a long and tiring weekend, but fun. Saturday ol' Mason had his much anticipated Labor Day cookout and that lasted about 9 hours. That sounds like a long day, but in fact, the 9 hours didn't drag because he did it the right way.

Instead of firing up the grill and cooking a big mountain of food all at once, he spread the cooking out over three or four hours. That way everybody got to eat, and relax, and socialize, and eat some more, without stuffing themselves all at once and then passing out in a coma.

He put out quite a spread, too. He started out with stuffed clams, then he moved on to lobster tails with melted butter, and after that a mess of chicken quarters, and finally a couple slabs of ribs with corn on the cob.

Yeah, he went a little over the top, but he just built a big, giant patio behind his house and he wanted to christen his new outdoor kitchen properly.

Unfortunately, his new patio includes a fire pit and he wanted to christen that as well. The unfortunate part is that while Labor Day might be the end of summer, it is still summer, and we were sitting out there on an 80 degree evening trying to enjoy a big, roaring fire while sweating through our clothes.

I guess we weren't bothered by mosquitoes, but I don't have any hair left on my legs, either.

Then Sunday and Monday was the big Fall Fest out here in Frankfort.

That went pretty much as expected. I didn't buy anything (other than a few beers and a roast pork sandwich from the Old Plank Trail Tavern), and I almost had the wife convinced not to buy anything, until all the way at the end of the day when she found a guy selling handmade furniture.

He had what they call a 'sofa table' made from cherry wood on display and the wife just fell in love with it. But while our house needs a lot of things; like a dining room table, landscaping, a new garage roof, a new furnace...what it does not 'need' is a sofa table.

Amazingly enough, the wife agreed with me! Maybe it is because she just got the first bill for the new sump pump, but whatever the reason she walked away without the table without almost any argument.

That night, however, was another story. She slowly began talking herself into it, weaving a complex web of logic and a dubious strategy of saving and budgeting, all made so much more reasonable and realistic with the application of several stiff drinks. So the next day, which was Monday, saw us back at Fall Fest.

Well, I have to admit it is a very nice table. And if the wife feels she can afford it by selling my blood, who am I to argue?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"While he was in Alaska, President Obama stopped at a cafe and bought out all of their cinnamon rolls for his staff. The staff was like, 'Thanks, Obama!' And the guy behind him in line was like, 'Yeah, thanks Obama.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"A teenager in Arkansas was arrested after he was caught driving without a license on his way to the DMV to take a driving test, tried to flee, and crashed into a police car. On the plus side, it sounds like he was probably going to fail anyway." -Seth Meyers

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"Japanese researchers have successfully grown hair on a bald mouse. The researchers are ecstatic, and the mouse is relieved he doesn't have to keep wearing that stupid toupee." -Conan O'Brien

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One of my first assignments as a trainee in an auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and some door repairs.

I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a host of other problems. He demanded an explanation.

"The repairs were to the other side," I noted.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A tobacco company sent Dave several packages of cigarettes with the explanation: "We are sending you some of our finest cigarettes. We hope you enjoy them and will want more."

After several months the tobacco company received this reply from Dave: "I got your cigarettes and soaked them in a quart of water which I sprayed on my bug-infested rosebushes. Every bug died!

These cigarettes make best poison ever! Please send me some more next month in case any bugs survived."