Friday, April 24, 2015

Good morning crew,

I may not be an expert on the rules of social intercourse, but I find it odd that my wife should be so much more popular than me.

And it's not that she's a little more popular, she's way more popular. She's constantly got plans. This weekend she has plans both Saturday and Sunday.

You know what I'm going to be doing Saturday and Sunday? Laundry.

It didn't used to be like this. I used to have plans all the time (ok, not all the time, but frequently). I guess it's my own fault. I married a woman that everybody likes better than me.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new report shows that the typical tourist in Las Vegas is a 45-year-old married person from California. That explains the new motto - what happens in Vegas probably also happens in Fresno." -Conan O'Brien

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"A 120-pound Texas woman set a new competitive eating record yesterday after she ate three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three salads, and three dinner rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call it in Texas, a kids meal." -Seth Meyers

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"Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy Earth Day." -Jimmy Fallon

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Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore."

"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?"

"I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity."