Thursday, June 12, 2014

Good morning crew,

The next Gordian piece in this jigsaw puzzle from hell of house-buying is the condo appraisal. Just because I found someone willing to pay what I am asking for it doesn't mean that the bank will approve a loan for that amount. So they send some obsessive-compulsive pessimist to look at the place and identify every little chip in the paint, every little nick in the wood, and every little hole in the roof and count it against the condo's value market value.

That happens this afternoon. Last night I spent an hour or two caulking cracks and filling nail holes in the walls with toothpaste (an old college trick) and this morning the wife went over the entire place with the vacuum and a dust rag.

All we have to do now is wait. Only months of effort and hundreds of thousands of dollars depend on the answer, so no stress or pressure.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A Whole Foods store in New York will start offering customers cocktails while they shop. It's part of Whole Foods' new slogan, 'You'd have to be drunk to pay these prices.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"A guy in New York is selling the world's largest video game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn't really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for the divorce." -Jimmy Fallon

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"The Canadian police are hunting for three inmates who escaped from prison in Quebec using a helicopter. How do you sneak a helicopter into prison? 'Are you here to see someone? What do you got there? Is that a helicopter in your pants?'" -Craig Ferguson

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On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond "a blue four-door."

After a pause, the driver replied, "It's the one on fire."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., Prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said.

"Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco."