Friday, January 29, 2016

Good morning crew,

I read somewhere that sushi started out as the Japanese equivalent of fast food. You see, hundreds of years ago the way to preserve fish (a major food source in Japan since the entire country is a bunch of islands) was to pack it in salt and rice. This would allow it to ferment in such a way that kept the fish edible.

When you wanted to eat the fish you would dig it out of the salt and rice, eat the fish and throw the rest away.

Then along came the brilliant idea of adding vinegar to the mixture. This increased the shelf life of the rice, and eventually they discovered they could just eat the rice right along with the fish. Since the rice and fish were already mixed together, all they had to do was roll it in a little dried seaweed and they had a handy finger food they could sell from a cart on the side of the road.

Considering its humble beginnings, how is it that I spent nearly a hundred dollars on sushi last night? Have you ever spent a hundred dollars on a Big Mac or a run to KFC?

Maybe it was the three bottles of hot saki the wife and I split. And when I say "bottles" I mean the porcelain bottles they serve the stuff in, not bottles like wine bottles.

Anyway, it was a very good meal. So much so that I felt motivated to throw a couple bucks in the fish bowl on the sushi bar.

Have you ever seen the fish bowl? This is like a double extra tip for the sushi chefs. Oh, you still have to tip the server who has to carry the fish the fifteen feet from behind the bar to where you are sitting staring the chefs in the face in front of the bar. But apparently the servers don't cut the chefs in on their tips.

The poor chefs, slaving away back there cutting up salmon and yellowtail and carving little roses out of radishes for your amusement. What do they get? So they keep a fish bowl on the sushi bar like a subtle reminder that they gotta eat, too.

And it's always full. I even saw a few fives in there! Kind of made me feel like a cheap skate for throwing in a couple singles.


P.S. Before anybody writes in with an FYI, yes, I do know that "sushi" technically refers to the vinegary rice the fish is served with. But typically when we Muricans talk about sushi we're referring to the Maki, or rolls that we're all familiar with.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A matador in Spain is under investigation after a video surfaced of him bullfighting while holding his 5-month-old baby girl in his arms. But to be fair, it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day." -Seth Meyers

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"Gisele Bundchen shared a picture of Tom Brady after he lost the NFL playoffs. It was a heartbreaking photograph of a handsome millionaire being consoled by a Brazilian supermodel." -Conan O'Brien

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"Donald Trump announced that he's not going to participate in the Fox News debate tomorrow night. The other candidates are really excited to present their views in a serious, yet respectful manner - which means they haven't been told that nobody is going to watch this one." -Jimmy Fallon

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The banana loaf I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered.

"That bread smells about done don't you think, Mom?" he asked.

I told him I had set the timer and it still had five minutes.

A little later he repeated his suggestion. "Mom, I really think that loaf is done. Maybe you should check it."

Always quick to come to my defense, my 13-year-old son said, "Eddie, Mom's been burning that banana bread for 20 years now. I think she knows when to take it out."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'"

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him."

She wasn't selected for the jury.