Thursday, September 15, 2011

Good morning crew,

Joe, I have not read anything about the acrobats that had to be used to get the couch into your condo or did it go in nicely? -catt


The couch delivery went surprisingly well, thanks for asking. As it turned out, the problem wasn't with the Einsteinian view of the universe, but rather my math.

While the couch is, in fact, wider than the doorway from edge to edge, the diagonal width allowed it fit through with only a slight squeeze and a few expletives.

The real challenge is getting used to leather. For one thing, it has a very low coefficient of friction! I keep finding myself slowly sliding down until my butt is hanging off the edge of the seat. That is if I'm wearing clothes. If I'm in my natural condition the situation is opposite.

And now I'm paranoid about having anything like keys in my pockets or wearing a belt. One tear or puncture and it's ruined. Consequently there is a "no pants" rule on the sofa, which should make things interesting the next time I have people over.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!

***
"A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don't have a feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that take Harleys out on the weekend." -Craig Ferguson

***
"The World Economic Forum, which ranks economies, moved the United States down to 5th place. Switzerland came in 1st place. I guess those little army knives are selling like crazy." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"Hello Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop.

My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.

"Yeah, you was my English teacher."

Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good job."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight.

I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your software."

A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective."