Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Good morning crew,

This will be my last issue of the year. Unfortunately I don't know if 2015 went out with a bang or a whimper since I wrote this last week.

I have been off the last few days, but the fact that I don't have any money combined with the rather sedate entertainments available in my local community suggests that we will be ringing in the new year at our local Viking Lodge or perhaps the American Legion Hall.

Although those guys can get a little rowdy once you get a few Manhattans and Old Fashioneds in them.

Whatever happens I am looking forward to a new and hopefully better year in 2016. And I wish you all the same.

I'll talk to you again next year.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her family's lack of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have any traditions," she complained. "We just do the same thing year after year after year."

***
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entree, is that a steak or a fillet?"

"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."

***
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a key- board. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

***
On our way to the ski hill, my friend's children decided to "find me a man" by the end of the day.

The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried and to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone and therefore, in their minds, single.

To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission and charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair lift. As I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman close to my age said "Excuse me, but are you single?"

Groaning inwardly, I said, "Yes, but despite what you may have heard, I'm really not looking to get married."

He looked at me oddly. "All I want is someone to share the chair lift with."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.

Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.

So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.