Thursday, February 7, 2013

Good morning crew,

I finally have all of my tax documents. That means it's time to visit my tax girl. This year it will be a little different because I am married, but I don't know yet if that will be a positive difference or a negative one (as far as taxes are concerned, of course).

I know it will make a difference in what it will cost me to have two returns done instead of one. The wife was a bit scandalized that I was actually paying actual money for a service. Her father has done her returns for her entire working life.

I told her that here in the 'grown up' world people have to pay for little conveniences like that. To which she suggested that we should just let her father do both of our returns, promising that he would get us a big, fat refund.

I told her that while I appreciated the offer I would rather not be audited after the IRS gets a load of her father's "Dad" math.

For some reason she took offense at that.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"According to reports from a journal called Psychological Science, people eat more junk food and gain weight during tough economic times. How ironic is that? The biggest obstacle to Michele Obama's war on obesity is President Obama's economic policy." -Jay Leno

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"The Canadians got rid of their penny today. There are no more one-cent coins in Canada. So now if you're in Canada, and say to someone 'a penny for your thoughts,' that is now illegal. They will put you in jail." -Craig Ferguson

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"A French tattoo artist met a young lady and less than 24 hours after they met, she allowed him to tattoo his name on her face. That means she either really loves him or really hates her parents." -Jimmy Kimmel

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Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time.

"Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only one thing!"

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"