Monday, August 11, 2014

Good morning crew,

The wife got it into her head to take her two nephews (13 and 15) to the Renaissance Faire this weekend. These boys have the soft, pasty condition that comes from spending way too much time in front of TVs, computer monitors and video games, so she figured a day outdoors, stomping around the Ren Faire, watching sword fights and eating turkey legs might be good for both their physical and emotional constitutions.

I agreed. They had never been before and what kid isn't fascinated by knights in armor, peerage, aristocratic government and feudal economic systems?

So I told her to have fun and not to blow any money buying the boys something stupid like wooden swords.

"What do you mean 'have fun'?" she said. "You have to come with me!"

"Hey!" I rebutted, "I go to the Ren Faire to drink over-priced, room temperature beer out of my drinking horn and play with swords, not to babysit tweens."

"Well, I can't handle the two of them alone in that crowd, and they're your nephews too, now, so put on your skirt and get in the truck!"

"It's not a skirt," I muttered under my breath as I went to get dressed, "It's a kilt."

Fortunately the day went pretty well. Instead of constant gripes of 'this is lame' and 'medieval, agrarian feudalism is SOOOO nonviable compared to early modern capitalist economies', the boys were engaged with the whole scenario.

We watched some of the comedy shows and they even sat through the entire joust, despite having to sit in the grass under the blazing sun, and ooo'd and aaaah'd as the 'knights' tried to skewer each other.

So overall it was a successful day for the wife and the boys, and relatively cheap too, since I didn't have a chance to talk myself into buying something useless and expensive.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Police in Ohio are looking for two women who tried to rob a bakery but left with only two glazed donuts because there was no money in the register. The cops are offering a small reward for information on the women, and a huge reward for info on those doughnuts." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A Republican congressman has accused Democrats of waging a war on whites. As proof, he pointed to the recent bombing of the kale aisle at a Trader Joe's." -Conan O'Brien

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"A 44-year-old mother in New York was arrested after she left her 7-year-old unattended at a Long Island Lego store. Luckily by the time the police found the child, he had already built a better mother." -Seth Meyers

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Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.

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I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won't find them.

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It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be alive today.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
When a young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment, he went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips.

Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."