Monday, May 27, 2013Good morning crew,
Hot Dog, Memorial Day! Right now I'm probably giving myself third degree burns from trying to drink and barbecue. I hope you are having a much safer holiday.
And while you're outside grilling pounds of delicious cheeseburgers and mountains of sausages and drinking all of that ice cold beer, please take a minute to remember the men and women who died in the service. It's their day.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S.
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***"In Pennsylvania, a couple stabbed each other in an argument over who should win 'American Idol.' At last we finally know why 'American Idol' is losing so many viewers. They're killing each other." -Conan O'Brien
***"Pope Francis made an extremely controversial statement. He says he believes anyone can go to heaven if you do good deeds, even atheists. It would be fun to let atheists into heaven if for no other reason than to see the look on their faces when they get there." -Jimmy Kimmel
***"Amtrak trains may soon have special cars where passengers can sit with their pets. Though it'll be awkward when you try to talk to your cat and he just slips on his headphones." -Jimmy Fallon
***One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.
"Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*The first day at my new health club I asked the girl at the front desk, "I like to exercise after work. What are your hours?"
"Our club is open 24/7," she told me excitedly, "Monday through Saturday."