Thursday, August 25, 2011

Good morning crew,

My condo has only been on the market for five months and somebody has already made an appointment to look at it this weekend! It's very exciting. But now I am going to have to get up early Saturday morning and pick up all the dirty underwear and empty beer cans littered all over the place.

I mean, I want to sell the place, but if I have to deal with these "showings" every five or six months it is really going to interfere with my lifestyle.

But, I guess needs must.

Now I'm thinking, as long as I'm cleaning what else can I do to make the place more appealing? Should it have a "lived in" look or should it be as pristine as possible so the potential buyer can decorate a blank canvas with his or her imagination?

After significant thought I decided that this would be too much work and I settled on stocking the fridge with plenty of beer and just leaving a sign reading, "Help yourself!"

Because I know in my experience almost every stupid purchase I have ever made was while under the influence.

You don't think I bought that boat while I was sober, do you?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!

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"If women have excessive belly fat and a muffin-top, it can be fatal. Especially if you mention it to her." -Jay Leno

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"It's hot in August. August got its name from the Roman emperor, August. Augustus must have been a good emperor because he got a whole month named after him. All Julius Caesar got was a salad." -Craig Ferguson

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"More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done." -David Letterman

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An elderly patient paid me a wonderful compliment. "You're beautiful," she said. I must have looked skeptical because she was quick to assure me that she was sincere. "It's just that I rarely hear flattering comments about my looks," I explained.

She smiled understandingly. "That's because you're fat. But it doesn't mean you aren't pretty."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway.

"You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."