Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Good morning crew,

Holy cow! I forgot to tell you what I scored for Christmas this year. It was a pretty good year. I got a 15-year-old bottle of scotch, a shower caddy, a few gift cards, a set of copper Moscow Mule mugs (if you don't know what those are you can check them out by clicking Copper Mugs), a box of screws and fasteners (I'll tell you the story behind that some other time), some silverware (I'll tell you that story some other time, too), and a bucket.

That last one was something of a gag gift from the wife. You see, back in the condo days I had a very basic washing machine that wasn't hooked up to use any hot water. So if I wanted to wash anything in hot water, like bed sheets or socks or something, I would fill buckets up in the bathroom tub and hustle them over to fill the washing machine. Okay, it wasn't the best system but it worked.

Now that we're in the house I still use the same bucket if I want to pre-soak something before a wash. For some reason this is an inexhaustible source of amusement for the wife. Now she tells me with two buckets I can do twice as much laundry.

I don't see what's so funny about it.

The wife got a decent assortment of gifts herself, most of which I didn't see, but I got her a new winter coat. And it was a last minute purchase too, as you might remember me mentioning.

I had one heck of a time coming up with a gift for her this year. Not that I didn't have some good ideas, but I wasn't able to pull any of them off. For about a month I tried to get her tickets to a live show downtown, but everything seemed to be sold out.

I finally found a couple tickets to 'The Lion King' through a broker for about a million dollars, and the very day I was going to pull the trigger and buy them the fuel pump on the truck failed. It was like fate was conspiring to keep me from getting her a decent gift.

I had finally resigned myself to giving her a card with a 50 in it, when the wife let a hint slip. We were sitting in the beer garden of one of our local bars when she started complaining about her coat, that the zipper wouldn't zip right and there was a hole in the pocket, etc.

It wasn't the most emotionally invested gift idea, but compared to what I had on deck it was pure genius. I felt like I had been reprieved. And I was able to find her a pretty nice coat too, which she almost immediately found hidden behind the couch.

All I have to do now is worry about her birthday in a couple of months, but I have a feeling I already know what I am going to get her...a new furnace.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A study found that moderate consumption of red wine leads to higher test scores. So apparently, I spent New Year's Eve cramming for a final." -Conan O'Brien

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"After being arrested for crashing his car into a shopping mall, a Florida man explained to police that he was trying to time-travel. Which is crazy. If you want to travel 50 years into the future, just leave Florida." -Seth Meyers

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"A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men. And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry." -Jimmy Fallon

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A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!"

"Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?"

"Six," replies the boy.

"Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?"

"I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay."

"I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?"

"Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.

"The word is eight letters long and starts with 'm', and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"

"Monogamy," he answered.