Monday, October 19, 2015

Good morning crew,

The annual thermostat war has begun. The wife and I go through this every fall. The temperature starts to go down and I begin making arguments for why we shouldn't turn the furnace on until November.

Usually I am pretty successful, but this weekend my powers of persuasion were really put to the test. Friday morning the temperature in the house got down to 60. Saturday it got down to 57. But Sunday was the real test. The overnight low (inside the house) was 54.

And as the temperature gets lower my arguments have to change. When it is just moderately cool I can usually win acquiescence with an environmental argument. It's environmentally friendly. We're helping to save the planet by conserving.

In the chilly range things get economic. I have to remind her how expensive natural gas is. Sometimes I need to pull out a gas bill from last year for emphasis.

But last night I had to use my trump card. My Ace in the hole. While she was standing there looking sexy in her fuzzy slippers, lounging pants and bathrobe, all topped off with an As Seen On TV Snuggie, I reminded her how romantical it is to wrap ourselves up on the sofa, battling the cold with our body heat.

"Why don't you want to snuggle with me?" I finally had to ask her.

Tell you the truth, I'm surprised that worked, especially since she spent the entire evening before bed snuggling with the dog.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

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When my wife gets upset, sometimes a simple 'Calm down, Honey' in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot more upset.

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"I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz

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I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time. "Can't you live within your income?" asked the judge.

"No, Your Honor," she said. "It's all I can do to live within my credit."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

"Two days ago."

"Hmm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer."

"What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

"He's taking every penny I make."

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"