Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Good morning crew,

Other than the unfortunate weather the Florida trip was a success. I got to spend lots of time with family and Mom had a happy and memorable birthday, but she wasn't the only one who got presents.

You see, she is only planning to stay in her house for another year or two. It is becoming too much work for her. So in anticipation of a move she is staring to give away small personal items that she does not want to keep but cannot bear to throw away.

For example; the day I left she "bequeathed" to me a stainless steel rolling pin that a relative had hand-made for her 25 years ago (which weighed a scant 10 or 12 pounds), a few pieces of aboriginal art which she acquired on a trip to Australia 15 years ago and some crockery she thought I might like to have.

Not that I am not a fan of Australian aboriginal art, I just didn't want to drag it and 20 other pounds of paraphernalia half way across the country on a plane with me. But when I tried to decline she became hurt and offended in a way that only she can, which means I ended up wrapping all of that sh...tuff in my dirty t-shirts and underwear and stowing it in my bag.

Now, Southwest Airlines allows a maximum weight of 50 pounds for baggage. Not surprisingly when I got to the airport the agent informed me that my bag was over the weight limit and I had to remove something. The heaviest item in there was the stainless steel rolling pin, so I removed it and took it with me as my carry on item.

You should have seen me trying to explain that one to the TSA.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"It is amazing that both Peyton Manning, Broncos quarterback, and younger brother Eli Manning grew up to be NFL quarterbacks like their dad. I have two sons. If they someday both end up hosting late-night talk shows, that will make me unbelievably sad. " -Craig Ferguson

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"It is still cold all across the nation. It was so cold today that Al Gore called global warming a hoax." -Jay Leno

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"House Republicans unveiled a new plan that would allow undocumented immigrants to become citizens if they learn about American history. Which will be great, because then they can teach it to Americans." -Jimmy Fallon

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After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins.

"Isn't that thoughtful," my husband said to me. "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff."

The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.

I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"

Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"