Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Good morning crew,

So I had to make my trip out to rural Indiana Saturday night alone since the wife stayed home sick. Actually, she didn't even stay home. She spent the night pet-sitting sick. But I doubt the bull dog she was watching minded her sniffles.

I, however, was treated to the best live entertainment Indiana seventh graders can provide. The piece entitled 'The Pizza From Mars' is ostensibly about a woman who works in a pizza parlor and has adopted an alien baby. Whether she knows the baby is an alien or not is never made clear. There is, however, a robot, so her knowledge of her baby's extraterrestrial origin is implied, since not many pizza parlor waitresses are friends with artificially intelligent humaniform robots.

But in reality, the actors come out on stage and instead of acting out the play I just described they have a 40 minute conversation about one of them losing her cell phone and recreating the events that led up to the cell phone's disappearance.

You see, they are acting like they are about to start the play but can't until the lead actress solves the mystery of her missing cell phone. That's the play.

40 minutes of 12 and 13-year-old girls discussing their cell phones. It wasn't easy for a man of my...experience might be a good word...to relate to the material. I wasn't the only one to suggest that the play as originally described would have been a better production.

One the positive side my dear goddaughter Isabel played a very convincing 12-year-old girl. She really seemed to have a mastery of the character. And her elocution was excellent. So she's got that going for her, which is nice.

Plus, I think she appreciated ol' Uncle Joe showing up to watch her perform. There wasn't a huge crowd in the auditorium and every audience member made a difference. If you can't sit through 40 minutes of 'art' for your own goddaughter, who can you do it for?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that they have no ownership of. Here's a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you find a parking space during the festival, it's a scam." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"NASA just announced that it recently discovered more than 3,000 new stars. NASA scientists say they were able to discover the stars through the careful process of turning the telescope to the left." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger." -Seth Meyers

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St. Peter was at the pearly gates, making his usual list of names of people waiting to get into heaven. The first man walked up and Peter asked, "Who are you?"

"It's me, Albert Jones," the voice replied. St. Peter took his name and let him in.

St. Peter asked the second one the second same question, "And who are you?"

"It's me, Charlie Anderson." St. Peter took his name and let him in.

Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, "Who are you?"

"It is I, Vera Chapman," answered the third.

"Oh, great," muttered St. Peter. "Another English teacher."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.

This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.

Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.

Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.