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Monday, November 14, 2016

Good morning crew,

I made an interesting discovery this weekend; the wife's little mutt doesn't get how sandwiches work.

I try not to feed the dog human food, but sometimes I feel compelled to experiment and see what the dog will and will not tolerate. In the spirit of scientific inquiry.

So this weekend I was eating a cheese and soppressata sandwich with brown mustard on whole wheat bread, and of course that fluffy, little white head was perched right on my lap. She doesn't beg, but she makes it obvious that any stray morsels will be gratefully dealt with.

Eventually those patient brown eyes got the best of me and
I cut a small, maybe 1-inch square, section of sandwich off
for her.

I held the piece in my fingers hoping she would bite into it, but she refused to bite down. She just held onto it, drooling, until I let go. She then deposited it gently on the floor and dismantled it, eating the bread, then the salami, and the cheese, all separately.

The only thing she left was the bread with a bit of mustard on it, but when I attempted to take it away from her she eventually ate that too.

I tried to explain to her that she was missing out the synergy the individual flavors have when eaten together, but apparently such gastronomic subtleties are beyond her comprehension.

Laugh it up,


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"Trump received congratulations from Russian President Vladimir Putin. They spent two minutes on the phone discussing politics, then an hour saying, 'No YOU hang up!' 'No YOU hang up first.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"Donald Trump will be the first U.S. president ever to have appeared in an ad for Pizza Hut. In fact, some pundits are predicting Trump will run in 2020 against Flo from Progressive." -Conan O'Brien


"Vice President Joe Biden got together with incoming Vice President Mike Pence. Biden went over the primary responsibilities of being vice president, which are: not falling asleep at the State of the Union address... and that's about it. So they covered that." -Jimmy Kimmel


En route to Hawaii, I noticed one of my passengers in the coach section of the airplane dialing her cell phone. "Excuse me. That can't be on during the flight," I reminded her. "Besides, we're over the ocean, you won't get a signal out here."

"That's okay," she said. "I'm just calling my daughter. She's sitting up in first class."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question.

"Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect?"

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