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Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Good morning crew,

After Innsbruck we crossed the border into Italy. That meant it was time to put away the "German for Dummies" phrase book and pull out the "Italian for Dummies" phrase book.

I only had a couple hours on the bus to cram, so the first phrase I looked up was "I'm sorry" because it is just so incredibly useful. I used it constantly in Germany.

The Italian book listed it as "chiedo scusa". Since I have a background in German, the pronunciation of that language comes pretty easily to me. But when it comes to Italian I am a bit lost, so I turned to the wife for help. She took two years of Spanish in high school, and really, how different could it be?

When I asked her how to say "chiedo scusa" she pronounced it chee (like cheese) ayy toe.

"I said," it sounds like you're saying 'Cheetos'."

"Kind of," she replied.

I didn't have much time to practice before we pulled into the first town we were to visit, Riva, a beautiful little town in northern Italy situated on the shore of Lake Garda, a couple hours over the Austrian border in South Tyrol.

So I spent half the day there saying "Cheetos" to the locals and getting nothing but confused looks and a couple hostile glares.

When I got back to the bus later that afternoon I did a little more investigation and discovered the correct pronunciation is closer to key-AYY-toe than Cheetos. I still don't know if the wife was deliberately screwing with me or if she just didn't know. But I did made it a point to trust the pronunciation guide in the book over my wife's interpretation from then on.

Laugh it up,


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"Apple just released a new app that lets you read books with your kids on your TV. Or as dads put it, 'Yeah, this 'book' is about the Patriots-Seahawks game, and it's a thriller.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"According to scientists, the moon is the closest it's been to the Earth since 1948. Apparently, the moon is worried and wants to know what the hell is going on down here." -Conan O'Brien


"Last night, the moon appeared larger than normal because it was closer to the Earth. Astronomers call it a super moon. Famed astronomer Neil deGrasse Tyson mocked the hype and said if you had a 15-inch pizza that became a 16-inch pizza, would you call that a super pizza? And I think I speak for everyone when I say, that depends what's on it." -James Corden


I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.

"How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one woman.

"A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

The woman thought about this for awhile before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story.

We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?"

My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor."

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