Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Good morning crew,

I spent an hour or two this morning collecting all of the documents, papers, receipts, statements and paraphernalia I will need to get my taxes done...and I have to admit it's pretty depressing.

To see my entire financial life laid out in columns and rows and realize; I haven't accomplished anything! It kind of puts things in perspective.

Well, I shouldn't say ANYthing. I did sell the condo and the wife and I bought a house. So now I am in just about twice as much debt as I was last year.

That's moving forward!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The highway cop said, 'Walk a straight line.' I said, 'Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to a straight line would be making an electrocephalogram of your brain waves.' He said, 'You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Do you wish to retain that right?' And I thought, 'Oooh, a paradox!'" --Emo Philips

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A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.

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In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."

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I have a 4 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. A couple weeks ago we were in a waiting room waiting for my mother in law and the receptionist was talking to my son. She asked him if he helped change his sisters diapers. He responded, "No, they're yucky, Mommy does that."

Not the funniest thing, but then she asked him if he helped feed his sister, to which my son replied in his best 'duh' tone, "No, I don't have boobies!" At which point the receptionist nearly fell out of her chair.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Brandon, my grandson was working at a pet store that offered free replacement fish to any that die. A lady called and stated that her hamster had died. The salesperson who answered the phone misunderstood her, thinking it was a fish, told her to place it in a plastic bag with water and return it so it could be replaced. The lady followed instructions to a "T" and brought her dead hamster in a bag of water and handed to my grandson and said "my hamster died." Laughing he replied "Was that before or after you placed it in the bag of water?"

He was fired for not showing sympathy to a customer!