Thursday, June 16, 2011

Good morning crew,

Holy cow, it's almost the weekend again! I have been so preoccupied this week I hardly even noticed it's Thursday already. They say the older you get the faster time seems to fly, and if that's true I must be an octogenarian.

I don't know if I need to slow down and smell the roses or speed up and get some things accomplished with my life before I'm too old or tired to accomplish them!

That's it. I'm motivated! This weekend, no matter how long it takes, I am going to finish Portal 2 on the Xbox.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"Some public schools now will be serving sushi. Well, if you love cafeteria meatloaf, you're going to really love cafeteria sushi!" -Dave Letterman

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"Scientists in China say they have found a dolphin they previously thought was extinct. Scientists say the dolphin is rare, beautiful, and delicious with hot mustard sauce." --Conan O'Brien

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"Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a local pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control patches. They turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news, her new baby is now down to a half a pack a day." --Jay Leno

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Things You'll Never Hear In A Western Movie:

"I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"

"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

"Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys room."

"Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

"Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

"You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

"That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

"He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

"Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"

"It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

"HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My husband was telling me about a news item he heard on National Public Radio about how the U.S. military is enlisting honeybees to find land mines. The insects are trained to react to the scent of TNT, then are fitted with transmitters and sent out to search for underground explosives. "When they smell TNT," my husband explained, "the insects hover over the area and the military tracks them to the site to safely eliminate the land mine."

"Gee," I remarked, "it gives a whole new meaning to the slogan 'Bee all that you can bee!'"