Thursday, August 26, 2010
Good morning crew,
We have finally gotten some great motorcycling weather around
here, which is good timing for me. Since I only get paid on
the fifteenth and the last day of every month, the months with
31 days tend to get kind of thin money-wise. And since my
truck only gets about 12 miles-per-gallon I can literally save
myself about $6 a day taking the motorcycle to work. And that's
good math any way you count it.
Now, all I have to do is make it though this weekend without
any money.
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters
from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in
between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at
the bottom of the page!
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"Miss Mexico is the new Miss Universe, and today begins a
grueling year of waving." -David Letterman
***
"Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in
the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken."
-Jay Leno
***
"This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring
in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The
man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his
wife fell for it." -Conan O'Brien
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[I know this is supposed to be humorous...but some of these
tips make a lot of sense to me.]
Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple
* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't
know.
* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.
* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked
illegally.
* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them.
The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom
carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a
contrasting polish should be selected).
* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The
blockage is almost instantly removed.
* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging
your head repeatedly on the wall.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his
home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter
asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I
went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife." replied the hunter.
____________________________________________________________
WHAT DID THE BUDDHIST SAY TO THE HOTDOG VENDOR?
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