Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Good morning crew,

I just read a headline which said that home prices are rising at the fastest rate since 2006.

I'd love to know where that is happening, because it's not in my area. Home prices in my neighborhood are just about as low as they have ever been. In fact, I did a little math this morning (while I was supposed to be working) and figured that it would take me just short of ten years to pay off enough equity in my condo to make it competitive in today's market.

In the twelve years I have owned (relatively speaking) the place I have actually moved backward ten. That makes me feel good about myself.

If I could convince the wife that living in a dumpster for a year or two was a lifestyle choice I'd walk away from the condo tomorrow.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a while... it isn't so hot.

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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

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If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is--- it's you.

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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

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Some of the best Norm Peterson quotes from "Cheers":

"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."

"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least.

After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'"